Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, the best bits of his Saturday morning show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, Rhod's away, so it's me, Chris Corcoran, in the hot seat, and I'm joined by Eggzy of Goldie Lookin Chain.

We'd love to set up features, uh, you and I, / Huh huh, / just checking them out, it's a smorgasbord of pre-prepared features, uh, today. Uh ... here are ... here are my thoughts. / OK. Go on. Unleash the beast. / So ... "Should we tip grocers?" / OK. / Just lobbing it out, OK? / My little thought. They give great advice, grocers / Yeah, just friendly chat with a grocer / Friendly chat. My ... my grocer gives good advice, packs my bags, does everything. ... I'd the urge to tip him the other day, and I didn't because I felt a bit embarrassed. But he's given good service, arguably better than waiters. / チップをあげたい衝動にかられた。 / Yeah. And it's better than the, uh, multi-national, super-big supermarkets __ __ as well / You don't ... you don't get personal service there. / Exactly. / "Only in Wales". I heard someone the other day, uh, order at the counter at the cafe downstairs "A Lilt lite and four Welsh cakes, please." That's stuff that you only hear in Wales. こんなセリフをウェールズの外で聞くことは、まずない。So, it's stuff you've only ever seen or overheard that could only happen in Wales. / OK, yeah. That's __ / And, "The stupidest way you've hurt yourself" ... the stupidest way you've ever hurt yourself. 自業自得で怪我をした一番恥ずかしい話 / It's well-known that I injured my shoulder flushing Greg Davis's chain, of his toilet. ご存知のとおり、ボクはグレッグデイビスの家でトイレを借りたとき、タンクの鎖で肩に怪我をした。... I ... last week, I cut myself on a bagel. And also, nearly-convincing impression shout-out, which is a little feature where we will give you a birthday shout-out, uh, or anything. We will ... we will read words in accents that ... / It might be Scottish. It could be any accent you like. / It could be any accent. / It could be any accent you like. (in Scottish accent) / It could be impressions of people ... / Yeah, / ... like / John Peel, for example, "might come in to say some words" / __ again, it might not / it might not / There you go, yeah / just a normal, you know, __ normal little choice of, uh ... birthday shout-outs, / Huh huh / or say Hello, or anything like that. / Lovely.

What we're gonna do now is, we're gonna do Saturday Swap Shop because we haven't done it for ages, and I really want to give you my present. / Right. / And then we're gonna set up some of the features again a little bit, / Yeah, / and then we'll have another track, and just ... just bed everything down./ I'm having a great time / this is great. Uh ... last time we did Swap Shop, / yeah, / you gave me a copy of Prometheus, / I did. / on DVD. I gave you ... / one of the worst films I've ever seen. / I ... for me, it was one of the greatest films I've seen in recent times. And I gave you a extra-small women's white leather Dunlop, uh, golf club. / Uh, you did. / Other brands are available, of course. / Correct. / Um ... a great swap there. / It was a good swap. / Uh ... / Yeah, it was. And this is a feature that, uh, occurred to me in a moment of inspiration ... / Huh huh, / ... when I saw the Prometheus film, and I hadn't enjoyed it, and I thought somebody else would enjoy that, and I thought __ __ a feature. 転がっていたプロメテウスの DVD を見て、ふと思ったんだ。ボクにとってはおもしろくなかったけど、ほかの人にはおもしろいかもしれない。もったいないからプレゼントしよう、と思ったんだ。/ (エグジーにあげたのは過去のこと。コーキーがそれを観た（鑑賞して、おもしろくないと思った）のはそれよりさらに前だから、過去完了) / So, / we've just / so, the rules are, / thing from around the house / Yes. An item of our own belonging. / We are not allowed to have bought it. / OK. / have you got yours? / I've got my item with me now, yeah. / OK. / I'm just preparing __ __ Now, all I'm gonna say is, I __ __ __ vintage item ... / Yeah? / ... dates back to 1991. / Oh. Wow. / Do you want me to give you a few clues before I get it out? I've got to paint a picture, obviously, for the listeners. Um ... / Yeah, we could do that. / check this out. Check this out. / A box of matches? You can't give me a box of matches on air マッチか？/ or is it? / Wow, I hope not / Or is it? マッチだと思う？ / 頼むから違っていてくれ。 otherwise / pulled off air. / No, no. It's something better. / can't make a present out of a box of matches, Eggsy. マッチ一箱がプレゼントになるかー。/ it makes a shaky noise / OK / Not S__ S__. But, uh, the music thing's very close. Dates back to 1991 / is it really a small pair of maracas? すごく小さいマラカスか？ / ... Almost. Uh ... we are all fans here of 90's pop star, Vanilla Ice ... / Of course. / We are all fans of sweets, bubble gum. And we are all fans of miniature casette / what better than bring in a miniature casette box with a Vanilla Ice みんな、... のファンであり、... のファンであり ... のファンだ。ということは、こいつら全部つっこんだこれより、素晴らしいプレゼントがあろうか。/ bubble / still / inside / You can't give me that. / It's a classic item. Um, I'm gonna try to paint a picture / Twitter feed right now because, uh, look how good / haven't / haven't even opened / to look at the bubble gum inside. 中のガムがどういう状態かを見るために開けてもよさそうなもんだが、それさえもしていない。/ But this ... this is a fun feature. You can't give me something so close to your heart. このコーナーはほんのお遊びだぞ。そんな、自分の分身とも言えるアイテムを簡単に手放したりしてはいけないよ。 It's ... it's a classic item. Look at it. I just had to bring it in 'cause / amazing. Um ... すごいだろ。ぜひ見せたいと思って持ってきたんだ。/ Eggzy ... / don't know / state / gum at this point ガムがまだ食えるかどうかわからないけど。 / No. But / collector's item / seen an empty one on eBay in America, selling / something ridiculous like ... like 30 or 40 quids / so, you know, I could even have tried to / get some money / day trip somewhere, you know カラのやつも売ってたよ。それでさえものすごい値段で。ということは、もしこれを売りに出したらひと財産できる。/ look at this / picture of Vanilla Ice on the front, uh ... Vanilla Ice bubble gum, net-weight: 0.4 ounces. There you go. / Where did you leave it in the house? / uh ... just / my, uh, various toys / next to / Moomins / a couple of Moomins / a few robots / Star Wars spaceships next to it / it's / Oh, Eggz / makes mine ... / it's a classic item / picture of that on the Twitter feed / I'm embarrassed now with mine. それにひきかえ、ボクがもってきたものときたら ... / OK. / do you know what mine is? / OK, yeah, go on. / Mine's ... are ... three DVDs __ learning French in a week. 『フランス語一週間』 DVD ３枚組 .../ Wow. What a cultural exchange going on there. 何とまあ、文化度の高い交換会だこと。 So, I've got __ French in a week, no reading, no writing, no __ __ ... / a vintage collector's item / V__ I__ / Is anyone in the control room / got a camera __ __ put it on our Twitter feed. This is a wonderful time / really / wonderful / wish / talk more about __. I'm really touched. Thank you, Eggzy. I like Swap Shop. It's great. / yeah, it's good, isn't it? / don't try the bubble gum. ガムを食べちゃだめだよ。腹こわすよ。

Hang on / we've got / email / wait. / OK. So, basically we've got a unit / R2-D2 in the corner / out email / flooding in / yeah / shout-out. "Hey, Korky and Eggzy. I'm listening whilst making wedding invitations, as I'm getting married in March." Huh. That's nice. "Can I get a shout-out from Brian Blessed, please?" / __ __ / Yes, you can. Yeah, absolutely, Martin Kent / __ __, __ __ / Splendid, splendid, Martin Kent. / __ __ / Congratulations. / __ __ __ just constantly do ... / Congratulations on getting married. / __ __ / Make sure, when you apply your glue to your wedding invitations, you use Prestik. Other glue sticks are available. / __ __ __ __ there are just two presets ... if you __ __ of Brian Blessed, you just do this: I wanna b__! __ __ ... that's all / To be ... to be honest, bear in mind that you are so good at these, right, and you've clearly got more in your repertoir than me, I'm a little bit upset you crushed the only good impression I do モノマネはキミのほうがずっとうまいしレパートリーも豊富だ。それはわかってる。でもキミは、そのモノマネ力で、ボクが唯一うまくできるモノマネを台無しにした。/ Sorry. Do you wanna do the whole / it's too late / OK. Sorry. / you know, next time we will allow space for that and we'll work through this issue. / I, uh ... yeah, if you don't mind / OK, Sorry. Yeah. / __ __ __ __ injury / this is the stupidest way __ you've hurt yourself / entitled as / "I sliced ..." / oh, this is the stupidest way / you've hurt yourself / "I sliced my finger on a saucepan. I could have bled to death." That's from Darren from Ab__ / most stupid way is probably when I was a kid. Um ... we had a wasp-nest in school. / OK. / Uh ... / ... Is this traumatic? / For me, it was. Um ... / Is it cathartic, then, to talk it through on air? / I gotta get it out. Basically, right, um ... sandwich-box, / Yeah? / enticed a couple of wasps into a sandwich box / Yeah? Why? / Because __ __ I can unleash these in the classroom and create chaos / So, you deliberately enticed a wasp into your sandwich box / couple / was it what it was / chocolate you went for? / went straight in __ __ __ seal it up, take it into __ __ / this would be great, like the Ghostbusters / unleash a Green Blob / then realized that wasps don't discriminate against who you are unleash them on. and I 考えてみれば、蜂にとっては、/ by the wasp / stung. Sad times. / __ __? / Yeah. / Oh, no. / Oh, you know, it's my own fault, for trying to create Ghostbusters trap with a wasp. That's just ... you know / you should have been concentrated on your (spyrogyra) / I know. You know, that's the way it goes, but __ don't create Gostbusters' trap / kids, 'cause you __ just end up getting hurt. よい子のみんなはマネしないでね。/ you know what makes me feel a bit sad? / the stupidity involved in it? / no, not so much / that / 'cause I respect the ambition. / Yeah? / But your excited face when you were gonna release it __ __ gonna be really funny / guys / Ghostbusters trap / the green blob / yellow and black. It's a wasp. Brilliant / I know. / then / how quickly __ your face would have been crushed from joy, just childlike joy, to ... you know, pain and / yeah / regret. / Complete ... complete pain ... even worse than giving yourself a wedge __ __ __ really. / "Tipping G__". This is an interesting one. / OK. / Uh ... and I'm glad that there's been such a great response __ on all the features so far. / At least three people have, uh ... / yeah / four / four people / four / same person / none of them are family members, so we're doing very well. / __ __ __ mind you, one is from H__ B__, __ loser of the week, uh, which is the one I am about to read, so __ __ doesn't count / no longer / achieved __ __ gone down __ our estimations. Anyway, thanks for getting in touch, H__. Uh ... "Tipping grocers: So, I ... the other day, I went to my local grocer's ... / Huh huh, / and ... I had such a brilliant service I wanted ... my urge __ to tip him, / Right. / because I said / cause / the thing is __ __ really honest. So, I say to him, "Um ... so, uh, so, how's your oranges?" And he'll go / bear in mind / massive box / yeah / that he spent money on / got / backlog / to be honest / very good at the moment / wish / OK / fine / __ __ quite nice. / so __ put __ off stuff / Yeah. that's ... I mean, that's, uh, you wouldn't get / you wouldn't get that, not when you are in a supermarket 'cause you've gotta choose __self 自分で選ばないといけないから / so, he's really honest. And then, / yeah, / say / what's good / he says / figs are good. Figs are in season. You know, / buy figs. They are really nice / and he packs your bag / unless / gave him money / Good service. / I wanted to, kind of, tip him, but then I thought / weird about it / __ __ __ take this penny, my good man. You pack the food and veg particularly well today. / I don't know the rules / I don't / You, fruit man! / Is that the way / bring / fruit / is that / going on a horse, right, in full hunting gear, / yeah, / you, fruit man, bring me the fruit" / and, if you __ like that, and / then / patronizing and nasty, but if you go / nice chat / the deal / wouldn't be patronizing and nasty if that's the first time I've ever gone in like that 'cause he would have assumed that / that was who I was. / Yeah. / But he / 初対面のときからその恰好をしていたなら問題はないけどね。もう面は割れてるから。/ knows / I / just be a disguise. / That wouldn't work / come back / dressed as, uh, some of / just ... just make him laugh / give / fruit / However, Eggzy, I'm looking for solutions. / Yeah. / So, / chuck it in there / people out there, you know / not b__ thinking about it. / Yeah. Good. Good. / Here's one. So, this is from H__ ... H__ / "Morning, Korky. When you mentioned tipping grocers, I honestly thought for a moment you meant it, like, cow tipping. / Right. / __ we were surprised __ __ __ over and over / It's a bit like Cheese Rolling. It would go on in Somerset once a year, and would be a special event, where you / tip grocers off of the edge of / how / orange / at the moment オレンジは旬かなあ？ なんて話しながら / just before he says / good / just get under his __ __ __ __ flip him over じゃあナニ、ボクはずっと、居眠りしている店のオヤジに横からそーっと近づいて押し倒そう、って言ってたわけ？ / I ... I like, when you go in to the grocer's, um ... when you use certain ... sort of ... uh ... uh ... what's the word? ... you know, for example, you might use a taxi, / yeah, / You get into that preset mode, uh ... "All right, drive? Busy tonight?", / yeah, / you know, / yeah, / call him veg / "All right, veg, busy tonight? よう、ベジ、景気はどうだい？ / not everyone's done that / abbreviate "grocer" into "veg" / Brilliant. We should nickname all service providers / butcher. It's all there / "All right, meat" / sausage / not bad. / can we call him sausage? / Let's call him sausage. / "All right, sausage?" / Get in. Huh. Wonderful. / "All right..." uh ... All right, flower ... florists? 花屋の場合は「よう、花ちゃん」かな。/ Yeah. See? It works. It works. / "All right, milky?" / book / library / see / It's all there. It's all there / book / Great stuff.

nice response to our features / we've invented / new feature / "All right, drive?" And this is, what nickname / people in the service sector, 'cause, uh, Eggzy __ said / call__ grocers "veg" / "All right, veg?" / I like ... I like / preset conversations you have with certain people. Uh ... you may never get to know them personally really really well, but you have those preset conversations, very much like __ almost __ / what / weather like / cold outside today / taxi drivers are always busy / night / you know what I mean 常に成り立つ前提条件 --- たとえば、タクシードライバーは、夜は忙しいに決まってるから、「どう、運ちゃん、忙しい？」という挨拶は、つねに使えるのである。ほかのご商売には、同じように使える決まった挨拶がない。/ I don't / I rarely go in to, like a green grocer's and go "Oh, massive / you don't really have that preset thing like that / you could always say, you ... I think / friendly enough / very Welsh thing / "All right, veg?" / all right, lorry, lorry pop / you do that __ anyway / and I think, again, the thing / living in Wales / is like / everyboy has a great nickname. If you do work __ / very Welsh thing. / __ __ veg, awesome, fantastic cucumbers." You know what I mean? It's that kind of ... it's that kind of vibe, isn't it? You know. / そういうノリだよね / It is. ... Shout-out. "Hi, guys. Please can I get a shout-out? I need a remedy for my headache in the voice of Tom Baker." This is, uh, "Almost-convincing celebrity impressions", which is a shout-out, we will do bog standard shout-out ... / Yeah. / ... genuine one, happy birthday, or whatever __ do it in __ celebrity of your choice, / yeah / We'll do our best, but / good at them / although, ironically, Eggzy's getting better and better at this. / I've been practicing. / You have to do Tom Baker / OK / what's the name of the person __ __? / Teresa. "Can I get a shout-out? I need a remedy for my headache __ in the voice of Tom Baker, please. / Teresa, I'm Tom Baker / Eggzy, how do you do this? / Tom Baker / __ flung on your head." There you go. / That's a little bit Arnie. / A little bit, yeah. It's the same sort of intonation. "I'm Tom Baker. __ me in the time-machine / kind / bloody / sitting opposite John Culshaw. / ボクは今、ジョン・カルショウの対面に座っているのか。

I __ drove down today, um, I can legally drive __ I (take) pride (in) myself for that. Uh ... I drove down today / Six years ago. So, not that long ago, really, you know, but, uh ... / forwards, backwards, reverse / Well done. Did you pass __ first time / I did, actually, yeah. / did you? / pretty good / all the best drivers / pass / second time / second time / Ask me when I passed. / When did you pass? / There you go. One of the best. I, uh, I, uh ... made my own show one the way down. It took me about 25 minutes to drive down today. / Yeah? / just / I did my own radio show to myself on the way down by just listening to music __ __ that was K__. Uh ... moving on, next, it's D__" and / just playing songs / very excited / You should ... you should keep practicing that, 'cause one day ... / One day I might get a chance to do it in, uh, reality. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows where __ __ __ take me __ __ __ spotlight goes __ __ nobody knows. / Uh ... listen, we've launched a feature called "All right, drive?" ... / Yes. / ... which we like. / It's ... it's very ... uh ... localized nicknames for people, / Yeah. / essentially __ __ what's come of this, uh, you know, uh ... / Nicknames for people in the service sector / Yeah. / where everyone says "drive" for bus drivers and taxi drivers / Yeah. That's a classic setting. / Absolutely rock-solid. / Yeah. / Funnily enough, the other day, I got off a bus, uh, __ __ __ __ from Tonypandy to Cardiff, I think. So, I caught it to go into the town / Huh huh. / every single person getting off the bus said, "Thanks, drive." 運ちゃんどーもー / That's one drive, yeah. / And the drive replied in a different way, depending on who the person was. / OK. Nice. / So ... so, if it was a ... a granny, he __ be like ... she / like, "Thanks, drive" / and then / biggest bloke / "Cheers, drive." he replied "Yeah, cheers, mate / Yeah. Nice. / So, his response is totally catered to different persons / Yeah. There's, there's ... my local pub, uh, like __ to have a local beer, and everybody in / house / has a nickname / probably / about / real names in the pub / yeah / 'cause everyone's just got a random nickname / works / You know, it's great. / emails coming in / that's, another person has responded the giant robotic unit / pushed out some sort of piece of paper with some words in it / What does it say? / Nicknames ... __ __ __ just __ it's a random print that ... hang on a sec ... it says "Nicknames", / OK. / It bodes well / OK / at the top of the page 先頭に「ニックネーム」ときれいに書かれているが / telephone number, which is irrelevant / OK / and then there's the address of, uh, BBC Wales / Is this / monkey on a keyboard has just sent an email? Is that what's just happened? / I've got ... I've got a feeling that one of the three people behind the glass, / yeah, / our production team, / yeah, / has messed it up __ / Yeah. they've just / just / let me check. Let me check __ __ __ ... yeah. Yeah, they've messed up. What I've ... what I've got is, I've got a list of names of newspapers. / Brilliant. So, there is a monkey on a keyboard, uh, depressing some random ... / サルがキーボードに乗っかって/ I take __ back / this is so neat quality winning radio / sort of / Almost adequate. / Oh, look at the face of Bridget, our producer. It's her last show today. She was hoping to go out on a high (note) / Yeah. Definitely / definitely / moment / producers / hang on. She / again / talk about high stakes. 社運がかかってるってことがやっとわかったようだな。Now / pickle / It's fine. It's fine. We are back in. ... Nicknames. / Yes / pressures on this email now, innit? / OK. / Nicknames. Uh ... for a baker, / Huh huh, / Eddie in Carmarthen / "All right, doughnut." / Huh. Nice. Nice touch. / That's the level. まあ、この程度でいいってことだ。

"All right, drive: What about somebody who sells doorknobs?" Oh, hang on a minute. We can't ... / Hey, come on / __ / for Saturday morning, guys / "Thanks, doc" for the doctor / s__ is ... s__ is a nice one / for doctors / I mean ... to be honest, E__, / doesn't take / massively to go from / It's ... at least somebody has taken time to send something into us / taken ... / made me feel my life is worthwhile. / taken a minute off his day / Exactly / to go ... Do you know what? / those boys there / yeah. They're adequate. / they're adequate. You know. / they're adequate / such nonsense about something so insignificant / yeah / get involved / fuel to that fire / yeah / fuel to that fire / and he's given us ... what? 37 seconds of content 彼は 37 秒くらい埋められるだけのコンテンツを提供してくれた。 / Which is brilliant. / Thanks, E__ / with another few of them, we can go home laughing / entire show / go home laughing / here's the thing, E__ / next time / back / involved / use your imagination. / Yeah. ... And / even to the point where you use your imagination so much ends up being __ __ load of__ __ from The Empire Strikes Back breaking into a room and ripping your arms off / to send in one of those / yeah / and then __ you've got / spectrum of imagination / huh huh / and / third one you __ send in / be appropriate / Classic / "Call the barman 's__' " Eddie in Carmarthen / You see? That's more like it / yeah / associated with his job. / Yeah. Nice vibes, you know. It's a very localized thing, isn't it? You know / Uh ... shout-out. This is for nearly-convincing impression shout-out / OK / so, um, / any shout-out / just do it in / impression of a celebrity ... probably bad / do / although Eggzy's getting much too good at this / accused of being ... of this being a f__ feature to allow you to do your great impressions. / I ... / ... That's the trouble / Yeah, I mean ... / you can't make them bad. __ __ __ funny. / I mean, I never ... yeah, I mean, it just happened. / __ __ __ / sometimes / really ... I like that ... the way it teeter me on the edge. I like the jeopardy. Yeah. / Well, keep it real, Eggz / Yeah. / OK. / so, whatever comes out / whatever / "Owen" / OK. / "You guys __ get __ through my biology revision." / OK. / he probably knows about / funny bones / what is a plisade / that, of course, it's ... um ... / PALISADE, palisade, / Palisade, yeah. That, of course / or / everyone knows / Anyway ... / I know what palisade is. / Do you? / Huh. / he wants it in the voice of Brian Cox / Palisade, obviously, is a soft drink drunk by people in greate places such as palaces ... like c__ pop for poor people. P__.

"Hi, Korky and Eggzy. I've finally ..." This is a long email, but it's ... it's quite __ / fun / . I've had a quick scan. "I've finally excavated myself from bed / listen live / not only / favorite presenter today, but I have an embarrasing ..." Oh, charming. Thank you very much. Flattering. / even though they don't / "But I also have an embarrassingly stupid injury ... / Huh, here we go / ... to share with you / As a child, with a new school term approaching, I was given a school bag." You'll like this story / funnily enough, it's just reminded me of a terrible ... / I won't mention it now / inflicted / upon myself as a chiled, but carry on / do that after __ have done this. / Great stuff. / "... As generous as this gift was, / Huh, / new school bag, it was clear to my child mind that the bag in question would be vastly improved if I re-covered it ... the front, / yeah, / using my super-cool A-team pyjama top." / Awesome. ... which, uh, any bag that is covered in an A-Team pyjama top, is already worth a lot of money in my mind. / if you ... hypothetically, if you and Ben, who this is from, had gone to school together, you two would have been friends. / Uh, Ben, I'll let you know, um, uh, in ... in school, we got a letter home 先生から両親へのお知らせ（いいつけ）/ saying "Can you stop kids from watching A-team / too much violence. As a sign of rebellion, I wore my A-Team jumper to school every day for the rest of the week. / Oh, my god. / Some of the teachers would looked at me / like / scum / I was like "Yeah? Who's gonna fight me? / we've just ... / __ jumper. / we've just had an email from your soul mate. / Huh huh. Ben. A-Team. Let's do it, bro. / I'll read on. / Yeah. / There's more in this. / OK. / "... So, I gathered the necessary tools for the job: the bag, / the now-ruined A-team top / top / and, due to no sewing skills, the stapler my dad used for re__ furniture / パパが家具を ... するのに使っていたステープラー / The classic backbone / fixing / anything to anyghing else. A stapler gun. / But ... but not just / office-based stationary 単なる文房具とはワケが違うぞ。/ yeah / An industrial stapler, essentially. / An industrial stapler. 工業用ステープラー。/ Classic. / This is, the stupidest way you've ever hurt yourself / just to remind people. / Yeah. / however / the stapler was loaded, I decided, rather than wasting any time trying to work out how to open it, I would instead put my hand over the end and fire a stapler. The lever of the stapler was half-depressed when my stupidity dawned on me, / yeah / and I realized how much it would hurt if I fired a stapler into my hand / Yes. / So, I stopped, had a chuckle to myself about how dummy it would have been, / and instead / fired / stapler into the sole of my foot. / Ahhgggg! Ahhgggg! ... Ahhg. / Please apologize to Eggzy for cutting up some priceless A-Team merchandize, 貴重なアイテムを切り刻んでしまってごめんなさい、とエグジーにお伝えください。 / and let Rhod know I'll never contact the show again / from Ben. ... What a great ... uh ... one of the greatest emails / turn of phrase, I think, ever. / Nice touch. / Thank you, Ben. / Nice touch. / Good story.

My old boss knows a bloke called / he / Now, that is strong. That a contender for the best one so far / "All right, drive". For nicknames / "How about 'chops' for the butcher?" Yeah / chops / I like it / for / how about / snip / I'm not sure / barber / sounds like some / more surgeon innit? / very specific surgeon, yeah. / Very specific surgeon. / "All right, drive?: I'm a community safety officer in Swansea. What would you call me?" Paul from Swansea. ... Go. Community safety officer in Swansea / Uh ... "(careful)"? / No. "protection lord" / yeah / "Hi, protection lord / I go / hard hat / I like "protection lord". It gives __ kind of like / post-apocalyptic feel. I'm into that post-apocalyptic thing. / True. "Only in Wales". Uh ... / what would you / "All right, drive" and / "Only in Wales" / half-and-half rice and chips" Yeah, of course. / "Only in Wales". Nicknames ... / "Mr. posty" for the postman / come on, guys / yeah / you know, I mean, lorry / "posty" is obvious. / It works, but at least they sent something in, you know / got involved / get involved, guys. / name we call / yes / enough / "All right, drive ... bit more /. "Only in Wales" / coffin / I like that. I like that. / named "nailer" from Williamtown / Now, that's good, you see / Uh ... this is my favorite. "I used to work in a (steelworks) / a new guy / asked him what his nickname was, he said, "Oh, I'm indifferent to that sort of thing,' So, from that day on, his nickname / "Die Indifferent" / See? / That's a good one. / That's a good one 「君のアダ名は何？」ってきいたら、「おれ、そういうことに興味ねーから。」と答えやがった。それ以来そいつは「キヨミネ」と呼ばれている。

I'm a window cleaner / OK / cut my face with a soft chammy leather / What? / I could understand __ a hard dry chammy leather, but this is news to me 固くて乾燥したセーム革でってんならわかるけど / like, 6 hours rubbing a shammy leather on your face / abbrasion / abbrasion / yeah, but / how would you do that? / Well, / presumably tells me. / OK. This is great. / how did I do this?"Huh, here we go / that's a good line into explanation / strong email, yeah. / "When ..." Well, "When you are finished using it, you rinse it in cold water, and you wring it out / right / and you / two corners and flip it ..." / is it the speed / with which / rip / skin off __ face / when I did this, it flipped up and caught me on the lip, and left me bleeding for __ hour / you / you can feel that sting / feel that sting / that's from __ty in Cardiff. "My friend, Sam, was also __ __ __ we call him Sammy the Chammy." / nice / wow / Sammy the Chammy / That's better. Is that better than me cutting my finger on a bagel? / with something / soft chammy / injury. "I was about ..." / stupidest way you've hurt yourself / I was about six, and playing at my friend's house / move in to / playing / all these boxes when we came to realize that they would be / awesome sledge for going down the stairs." / Yes. / Of course / I've done it myself / I know what happens / what happens? / I know what happened to me. / Go on. / Uh ... I got on a box, uh, fully ... / How old were you? / Uh ... 27. No. I was ... I was, probably, like, about six or seven / OK / I got on a box, and I was like "This is gonna be awesome." And it was awesome, where, about ... let's say / 15 stairs / it was awesome for the first four stairs, / Yeah, / and then the front of the box dug into the fifth step, and I / face-first down the stairs, and, uh, laid there like, ... yeah. ... Sheer terror. Sheer terror. / let's see what happened to him. / I positioned myself / for some reason I didn't think about / how / get around the tight 90-degree turn __ the way down / right / mine was just straight / had a wall / once / realized / I no longer wanted to do this. / Oh, __ __. / __ came to jump out the box ... I hit that beautiful hand-crafted wood banister, smashing through the ... one of ... one of the support poles and falling into ... uh ... the lounge headfirst. / Yeah. / I broke my arm, __ __ __ block capitals / it was perfect. / Extreme. / That's a good one. That's No.1.

And if you enjoyed that, why not listen to the whole show? Live every Saturday morning, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.